You are to rush to her side, pat her hand, weep over her pain and listen sympathetically to her unending complaints about how hard and awful it is. You are discussed in your presence as though you are not there. Since narcissistic mothers often play the martyr this may take the form of wrenching, self-pitying dramas which she carefully produces, and in which she is the star performer. Your brother beats you and her response is to bemoan how uncivilized children are. These babyish complaints and responses may sound laughable, but the narcissist is dead serious about them. She does things against your expressed wishes frequently. Whatever you say is met with smirks and amused sounding or exaggerated exclamations "Uh hunh! It's all her fault. You're over-reacting, like you always do.
If you give her everything she wants all the time, you might be spared. If only you weren't so difficult. The result is that the only communication between the children is through the narcissist, exactly the way she wants it. Those experiences were only for her, and you were responsible for making it right for her. She'll spoil your pleasure in something by simply congratulating you for it in an angry, envious voice that conveys how unhappy she is, again, completely deniably. For all abusers, fear is a powerful means of control of the victim, and your narcissistic mother used it ruthlessly to train you. She has always pouted, manipulated or raged if you tried to do anything without her, didn't want to entertain her, refused to wait on her, stymied her plans for a drama or otherwise deprived her of attention. She makes outrageous requests and she'll take anything she wants if she thinks she can get away with it. She will slip little comments into conversation that she really enjoyed something she did with someone else - something she did with you too, but didn't like as much. In part, these women foster dissension between their children because they enjoy the control it gives them. She can't do anything right. This can be very difficult to see if you have traits that she can project on to. She's a martyr who believed the best of you, and you've let her down. She denied you medical care, adequate clothing, necessary transportation or basic comforts that she would never have considered giving up for herself. That division will be fostered by the narcissist with lies and with blatantly unfair and favoritizing behavior. Your property may be repossessed and no reason given other than that it was never yours. She acts put out if she has to do anything to support your opportunities or will outright refuse to do even small things in support of you. Her petty, small and childish behavior has become yours. You're responsible for her feelings, she has no responsibility for yours. A narcissistic mother may create odd occasions at which she can be the center of attention, such as memorials for someone close to her who died long ago, or major celebrations of small personal milestones. If you criticize her or defy her she will explode with fury, threaten, storm, rage, destroy and may become violent, beating, confining, putting her child outdoors in bad weather or otherwise engaging in classic physical abuse. You may not have been beaten, but you were almost certainly left to endure physical pain when a normal mother would have made an effort to relieve your misery. While her children are still living at home, any child who stands up to the narcissist guarantees punishment for the rest. Having been raised by a narcissist, her children are predisposed to be envious, and she takes full advantage of the opportunity that presents. You upset her so much that she can't think straight. She puts dishonest interpretations on things you actually did.
Video about narcissist relationship with mother:
5 Ways Narcissistic Mothers SABOTAGE Their Daughters
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