Psychology, which he studied at the University of Wisconsin, gave him a way to use his problem-solving mind to attack the question of his own loneliness. I had come with my own love problem to solve. She was an amateur musician and painter as well as a psychologist like himself. I never could have dreamed him up with the help of a therapist. The daughter of a severely emotionally unstable mother, Julie started comforting others early. The man, a thenyear-old University of Washington research psychologist named John Gottman, was drawn to the woman's wild mane of black curly hair and her creativity:
All of the concepts were just abstract enough to find a specific analogue in my relationship. They talked avidly; it felt as if they'd known each other forever. He came in late, beautiful in his crisp work clothes. What about the broken garage door? He has won awards from the National Institute of Mental Health and the National Council of Family Relations and has become the subject of increasing public fascination. We live in an age that generally denies the possibility of the unpredictable. Julie wanted a looser set of guidelines. His work took off because the consistency of his predictions is astonishing. It involved physical dissolution, the sense of falling apart. The chemistry was immediate. The Enlightenment put freedom of choice into vogue. Afterwards, Julie asked John what he thought of the evening. Julie said the same of her first marriage. I got the sense this story was more important to them than the other one. She threw John a teasing smile. When John got up from the table to pay the bill on their first date at the Pony Expresso, and turned around, she felt a shock so sudden it left her trembling: John got elected to chair the family psychology research unit of the American Psychological Association. A giant silver sculpture of a heart invites visitors down a steep, wooded path towards the sea. But his findings were limited by the pool from which he drew his test subjects, communities in Illinois, Washington, Indiana and the San Francisco Bay Area with their own local habits. She also knew that the majority of people who seek individual therapy want help with their relationships. What does a good relationship look like? Over the following months they drew closer and closer, proceeding through subsequent stages of building a fulfilling love relationship. You could take your own personality traits—loves sewing circles? They joined a synagogue. We'd come to see the Gottmans because the pair has spent the last 20 years refining a science-based method to build a beautiful love partnership yourself. That all began to change in the West in the s.
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John Gottman: How to Build Trust
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